Depression is a common mental disorder. A depressed person cannot think positively neither he can control his thoughts. When someone is going through depression he will become hopeless, unhappy, disappointed and feel dejected. There are majorly seven types of depression disorders but I am not going to discuss them because you can google them.
Here I am going to share my story when I was dealing with depression. It began on 25th May 2018. My name is Chetan. I am from Rajasthan (India). For two years I had been working with a private organization and I was satisfied with my job however my salary was not very lucrative. Life was going on smoothly without any tension and I was happy and joyful.
It was 25th May 2018. That day state government announced advertisements of recruitment for various job positions. As it got viral my friends and colleagues were talking about this news but I wasn’t interested in government job since I understood the meaning of reservation. No matter if I earn less or more but I will not go for a govt job I am still not at all interested in govt jobs honestly because of reservations.(Well there is a lot of anecdotes I have to explain about reservations but I will not).
This news was also reached to my parents and they tried everything to pursue me to fill recruitment forms and because it was parent’s wish I couldn’t said no to them. I reluctantly applied for three posts (RAS, SI and ACF).
In order to start preparation I bought many competitive books and started to read them. Initially I got quite interested in reading books but after two months of consistent reading I started to overthinking about selection and exams patterns. It was the last week of July’18 and I wasn’t able to concentrate on studying. Things were getting worse and I was being victimized by depression.
Everything I was seeing with negativity and so demotivated. I was thinking what will happen if I could not passed these exams? How worst my life would be? How would I face my parents? And so many questions I was bombarded with. That time I considered myself completely useless that I don’t have any skill and nobody will employ me. I was so much frustrated that motivational videos of YouTube was not working for me. I tried everything to get motivated but all were futile attempts.
My first exam for RAS was within one week away on 5th August’18 and I wasn’t able to pay attention on my study. However I was persistent and appeared in the exam. Though the exam paper was not very difficult but for me it was because of lack of preparation.
After exam I was completely frustrated and demotivated. I was utterly surrounded by negativity. That was the time when I cried in my pillow and started to live lonely. One evening in second week of August’18 I gathered some courage and called to my elder brother and shared with him my mental condition. Initially my brother was confused about why I was thinking like a victim but he observed my mental illness and gave me some advises. That was the time when my brother was in the form of Krishna and I was like Arjuna in the battlefield.
My brother said to me that suppose what will happen if you don’t get pass in the exam? What are you going to lose? What do you have to lose? and the answer was nothing. He said it is only your thoughts those are bothering you and nothing else.
Moreover, he said you just have to focus on your study or karma. You should not expect for results. Just do karma with all your heart. Only karma is in your hand not result. If result will be in your control then you would have no need to work hard. You can only control the controllable and that is karma.
After having conversation with my brother I was quite relieved. I had got some mental solace. My next exam for SI was declared on 2 October’18. Again I started studying books of reasoning, aptitude and history. But again I was not able to concentrate and having same depressive thoughts. Finally I gave up to reading books and it was 20th September’18.
From 20th September’18 I started applying for IT Jobs and I got a call from namely IT company on 25th September’18. My interview was fixed on 28th September. I was very excited about this new job. This day was the turning point in my life. In the interview we were gathered 19 candidates in interview hall. Firstly the invigilator asked us some basic questions and then he took us all for a written computer test. It took us three hour to complete the test but I enjoyed this test because I like computer related activities and googling.
After lunch we all gathered again in another hall and this time a person from HR is going to announce name of selected candidates. My heartbeat started to increase. We all were wishing for selection because 5 candidates would be selected out of 19. Finally he announced 5 names in which I was also included. This story was not over yet. The HR Executive took us all to HR Dept where HR Head was waiting for us. The strange thing was that at the door of HR office he said to me please wait outside and he took other four candidates inside the office. I was very confused that why he didn’t take me inside. Am I get rejected or what happened?
In the mirror I was seeing that HR Manager was describing something to them on board for half an hour. Now I got very upset and thought if they had not selected me then why are they wasting my time? It was already 5pm and I have to travel for two hours to home. As the another HR employee came out of HR office I asked him can I go to home if I am not get selected? He said to me please sit and after some time they will call you inside.
I was in dilemma that whether he will call me or not and I also have to go home. I was being late for home. Finally HR Executive came and said that HR Manager is waiting for you inside. I went inside and I saw that HR manager was wearing a wide smile on his face and shaken hand firmly. He also dignified me with saying ‘Sir’. Please have a seat. His first sentence to me was you are special. Your performance in the test is outstanding. Even nobody was nearby to you in test. In my mind I was over the moon. Furthermore he said I didn’t call you with others because I wanted to meet you individually. He also queried about my technical skills. And finally he said we have something special payment for you. In my mind I was expecting for more than 30K but expectations vanished when he said 18K. I finally rejected the job because after increment in my current job I was already getting 17K and was satisfied with my job. HR Manager assured me that you can join our company within ten years without any prior exam. I thanked him. Then I left for home.
This interview taught me a lot of things and empowered my mental condition. Now I was not like before me. I got a new perspective that I am skilled and I can do anything. From that day I am still mentally strong and this incident is unforgettable part of my life.
Whenever you are down or disturbed, whenever you feel lost or low, just touch your heart and tell yourself that this time will pass. That suffering, too, is a part of life. It’s one of the seasons. Knock on your heart with a gentle hand and say that this trying phase won’t stay forever.
I hope this will also motivate you in your difficult time and you will grow out of your negativity. Also if you like it don’t forget to share with others.